Castiel (
trenchcoatedly) wrote2012-05-24 04:33 pm
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013 + WE ARE ALL THE WORK OF YOUR HAND
I wonder if the Admiral has ever chosen a warden or inmate incorrectly. Has there ever been a warden who was unkind and vicious? I'm well-aware that someone can be a good person while being unfriendly at some points, or narrow-minded, but I wonder. Likewise, has their ever been an inmate that was righteous and good?
And that inmates return as wardens... I wonder if all inmates upon graduation become this good. Is is capable for an inmate to graduate but not be permitted to warden after? Surely, there can be steps between a redeemed inmate and someone capable of being a warden.
As a side note, I'd like to politely request that all nonhumans, notably vampires, be treated in accordance with their actions and not their species.
Dracula, I haven't seen you in the greenhouse lately. Are you all right?
Buffy, how are you feeling?
[LOCKED to LUA]
I'd like to discuss something with you.
[LOCKED to MCCOY]
If we could speak regarding my inmate.
And that inmates return as wardens... I wonder if all inmates upon graduation become this good. Is is capable for an inmate to graduate but not be permitted to warden after? Surely, there can be steps between a redeemed inmate and someone capable of being a warden.
As a side note, I'd like to politely request that all nonhumans, notably vampires, be treated in accordance with their actions and not their species.
Dracula, I haven't seen you in the greenhouse lately. Are you all right?
Buffy, how are you feeling?
[LOCKED to LUA]
I'd like to discuss something with you.
[LOCKED to MCCOY]
If we could speak regarding my inmate.
private
Someone altered my memories, Castiel. They made me forget my Bride Aleera. And now that I have no emotional association with what I have read about her on the communications net...I am glad that this person did so. She was a large reason for my depressions, my desperation and self-loathing.
But not all. Now, it seems, every time I turn around something happens that is calculated to drive me into a rage. Rayne, the evil Warden I mentioned, decided to hold a public discussion on whether vampires are diseased corpses or not--strenuously advocating the former, of course. Then the Comedian murdered my best friend--whose convalescence almost everyone ignored because he is unpopular. Then that brain-dead vampire Willow comes in and undoes all my efforts to show the Barge that vampires can be people, by acting like a bad stereotype. It just continues.
I haven't had full emotional capacity since I was twelve. I have no idea how to deal with it. I have been swallowing everything, and I fear I am going to explode.
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I am millenia old, and have only recently discovered my own emotions. They can be difficult to deal with. Anger is the easiest. But it does nothing, solves nothing, just creates more issues. You can't simply swallow these issues down. An outlet is advised.
private
The exorcism is my last hope. If He will accept me again, I won't need anything else. I might be lonely and need a mate and more friends, but I will have that.
I wish there was a happy medium between caring for people enough that they can hurt me and not caring at all.
...
Do you have one to recommend?
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private
That is all right. I merely...
[There is a long pause.]
I really don't want to hurt anyone anymore. But that should include me not getting hurt either.
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Some people will always hate you. But some will love you. Some will be at your side every instant of your life, if you choose to have them. Some will look to throw you in hell for no reason at all, and others will desire to exalt you for the same. Such is the nature of humanity. They hate, but they love with equal force. They destroy and create. It's merely the matter of finding the right humans to care about.
private
If He takes me back I can weather any of this emotional messiness. I think...I can hold out that long. I just...it's not going to be easy. But I will do it.
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